i need to write this down because i think if i get it outside of my head I might be able to figure it out. I hope I dont catch a lot of flack for it but here it is. When couples or girls that I know announce they are pregnant, I have yet to be truly excited for any of them. I dont hate kids and I adore several of the children of my friends, but when I know people before they have kids and they announce they are not going to be that way anymore I am disappointed and sad about it. I dont think my singleness is to blame, at least completely. I have the feeling that something else is at work as well and I want to discover it. I guess the question that comes to mind is why should I be happy for people? Especially people I dont think should have children, at least in their current circumstance. I thought perhaps that I was the only one who doesnt get excited about this but a friend and I recently discussed it and she feels the same way. When everyone else is smiling and offering congratulations she is holding back " oh, im soo sorry!" So at least I know i am not alone.

Do i need to be nothing but happy?

so doing well on the financial front. i consolidated my credit cards down to a low interest one at the credit union so i will pay it off quicker. one of the cards "lost" my cashier's check so now I have to resend it -- overnighted-- and ask for the late fee to be removed. jerks. i just moved to a new place that is more rent. but i dont have to drive to work, pay for internet, or use my lights a lot because i have a skylight that lets in plenty of light during the day. once my cards are paid off i will apply that money to my car loan and pay it off. after that i will have a lot more money to save and do other things with. That is what I am focused on. This move business though throws a wrench in things as far as paying for new things while still paying for the old, but in a month it should be fine.