the empress' new relationship


until recently I had never been involved in a relationship that many would consider healthy or productive. My longest serious relationship consisted of three years of seeing him every 2-3 weeks and maybe calling each other randomly in between visits. Once we went a whole month without talking. That sounds odd to me now, but at the time it suited me just fine. It was the perfect relationship because I got to control both sides of it --we were never around each other enough to have anything get too real or too difficult. I had an idealized relationship that played out in my head without realizing it. When I ended things I noticed how exhausting it had been to juggle both parts.

Now I am in a relationship that is as normal as apple pie compared to previous experience. I am gradually growing used to this new landscape but still finding my place in it.

The novelty of seeing someone almost everyday or at least talking on the phone is winding down, I am no longer surprised he cares about my daily business and calls/messages me just to say hi. I am learning its ok for me to take interest in his daily business too, and to really share my life. These happenings used to surprise and delight me every time, they still do but I am growing more comfortable which is even better.

Im also a bit worn out by all this activity. The total interaction of my past relationship would fill about 3 days (a small exaggeration) of the new. so here is one more thing that is new to me and I had no idea would happen. But I think of no better thing to be worn out by.

The funny thing is that I didnt get it in the past when someone didnt understand how I could call what I did a relationship when there was so little relating happening, and now that I have the real thing I cant imagine ever settling for so little again.