I might have to admit that I am exhausted. I might have to admit that I have committed myself to too many projects. I need to learn to say no. I want to do everything and be everything so its hard to shut doors but they shut themselves anyway when I am stretched to thin to be any good to anyone. The sad part is I think i should be doing more frequently. It would probably help if I didnt have two jobs. If I dont get that question settled by the new year I might have to set a deadline and pick one. I cannot continue in this limbo.

I have only bought one christmas gift this year, and am totally unmotivated to do anything else. I am excited to host my family for the holidays, but it doesnt feel like christmas yet, and its a bit weird.

I saw j today and had lunch, its relaxing just to be around him. A wrote in my book, i get to read it tonight. it better be good. or else.